James Lileks is one of my favorite humor writers, and hands down one of my two or three favorite bloggers. No one was more surprised than me when he actually took me up on my offer to write reviews of our how-to films. …but perhaps “review” is too precise and analytical a term. The actual pitch, if I recall correctly, was something like this:

- Travis Corcoran, President

When they’re born, they just look like beets. When they’re very small, they look squished, or like strangely over-inflated gnomes. Everyone always says they’re cute. Half the people are lying, and the other half are women. By the time they look like something you’d take home, let alone photograph, they’re two, and by then you’d best have taken lots of pictures. But how?

You’d think it’s easy – prop ‘em up, snap away. But any parent knows that the sight of a camera makes kids of a certain age make hideous faces and put their tongues three inches from the lens. You could always chloroform them and use a mild, topically-applied glue to rearrange their features in a pleasing form. But it’s best to listen to the pros, and that’s where Adventures in Photography: Photographing Kids with Jim Miotke comes in.

If you’re looking to jump right into the tips and hints, look elsewhere. First we get an overview of the four main subjects.

Session 1: “Working with Light.” This is important, as light is a key element in any good picture. The absence of light ruin the most carefully composed shot. “Session 2: Portraits and Candids.” The former is suitable for framing on the wall, and usually involves a child holding an item emblematic of Youth, such as a building block or a stuffed animal or, in certain parts of the country, a rifle. Session 3: “Sports & Fast Action.” You suspect soccer will be involved. Session 4: “A Look Inside Jim’s Camera Bag.” We’ll pass, thanks.

Once the preliminaries are out of the way, we meet Jim Miotke, the host, who – it must be said – appears to be overlit. In a voice not overly burdened with inflection, he sets out the problems people confront when photographing kids: “Sometimes the subject’s too blurry, other times too dark, other times too bright.” This is a comprehensive DVD, in other words. He also notes that “sometimes your subject suffers from things such as red eye,” and you might think, well, that’s what the “Remove Red Eye” button in the photo-editing software is for, right? Or do we use antibiotics? Well, there’s the automated idiot-proof computer programs, and there’s the skill of the artist. Which would you rather have? Right.

Session 1: Jim’s back, holding a kid; he introduces himself as Jim Miotke, again. He’s much better lit. Unfortunately, instead of learning anything about light, and how to work with it, we get what seems to be an alternate opening. “How would you like to take pictures of your kids that truly capture the qualities that make them so adorable?” Love to! And by some peculiar coincidence that’s why I rented “Photographing Kids.” This bonus, extended-cut opening includes a third example of Jim Miotke telling us he is Jim Miotke, and he says he’d “like to welcome us to another adventure in photography.” Another? Isn’t this the first? Is this the second disk in a six-disk series? You know sometimes how you’re watching season three of the Sopranos and your spouse is watching Season two, and you get the disks mixed up and all of a sudden she’s wondering who these characters are and why their hair looks different – could be like that. Let’s check the package.

No, one disk. We continue. We learn about front lighting, which comes from the front; side lighting, which comes in slanty-wise, and back lighting, which comes from – well, I don’t want to give away all the secrets. What happens next, however, is utterly unexpected: a flurry of useful tips. You learn about fill flash, which adds light to daytime scenes and gives kids’ eyes more life. You learn about choosing innovative angles, and how to keep kids from making their “camera face” – i.e., the standard doofy grin. You learn about bounce flash, in which you ricochet the flash off another surface. Obviously this does not work outside, unless you have a 99 teracandle flash you can bounce it off the moon. But in order to bounce a flash, you need an external flash that can be angled up, and that means equipment. Which means bags. Which means you will become Dad, the Camera Dork.

If you are already this guy, and have a lot of pricey equipment you do not know how to use, this is the video for you.

Seriously: Jim explains things like “ISO” in ways that actually make sense, and even though you’ll probably forget what it means quickly enough, by the end of the DVD you’ll get the drift.

He also notes that you can change your perspective by standing on a ladder. Or, if a ladder is not available, a chair.

It’s a long disc; Jim does not stint with the tips. Even if you find yourself jumping ahead, you can catch up on the Top Ten Tips in the Bonus features, or getting info on which camera to buy when you finally work up the nerve to look into Jim’s Bag.

Arbitrary Rating, Based Entirely On Our Mood at the Moment: B+. An excellent source of inspiration for the novice. Information is presented in a simple, unpretentious manner. Good production values. Calm, low-key monotone delivery can be used to sooth agitated pets. All the examples look like something you could do, or your wife would want you to do, or you would like to do because your husband always shoots his thumb or the dog’s butt. Downside: host appears to be using a camera the size of a naval megaphone, so your results may vary.

Photographing Kids with Jim Miotke can be found in the Photography section.

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